Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
