I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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