Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
