well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
