I hate your face
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize