just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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