Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
