I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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