the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
