Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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