whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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