i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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