Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
