I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
