You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
