I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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