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Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
