I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
