I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
