She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
