Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
