So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
