sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
