If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
