like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
