remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
