mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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