Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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