I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
