No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
