her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
