Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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