My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
