One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
