thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
