Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
