I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
