i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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