I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
