Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
