obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
