WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
