I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I lost the right to judge tonight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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