I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
