My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
