My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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