I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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