Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
