Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
