So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
