Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
