Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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